Thank God I'm A Country Boy

Welcome to Bevier, MO...Population, about 1000. I'm staying with my grandparents, until things get figured out and I'm visiting my dad on the weekends, which means...I'll get to update once a week! Grandma and Grandpa do not have internet. Joy of joys! But, its actually not that bad. I'm happy to be able to be here to help them out while my Grandma finishes her radiation, and my Grandpa is pretty funny/ornery. I'm going to meet my dad's youngest brother, my Uncle Paul and his wife Carolyn and maybe their kids, Jena and Jake. Then on Saturday, my poppa and I are going to Marcilene, which is Walt Disney's birthplace. On Sunday, I may see my Uncle Tony and his wife Karen, but that's not set in stone.

The biggest aspect that I find myself struggling to adapt to, isn't what you'd think. Its not the lack of internet, or cell service (which I promise as soon as I get my new number, you'll all get it!), or even the wide, and I do mean WIDE open spaces.

Its all the tidbits of wisdom I get from my Grandmother on a hourly basis. You may think that I'm exaggerating, but I'm really not. Grandma was born and raised in Iowa (pronounced I-way), back in the 30's and 40's. I don't want to offend anyone, so please understand I'm saying this as example: She still says 'Colored' and the N word. I cringe everytime I hear it. My Grandmother is not stupid by any means, she just grew up and lived in a different time than I did and do.

These are some of the things that I have learned from my Grandmother:

You should never eat anyone's food-they might have sprinkled drugs on it and you can get hooked that way.

People should marry their 'own' kind. You can guess what that means! She said its because if they didn't their children would be hated, and God doesn't want their children to be hated.

Oh, and on top of so many others this maight be my favorite right now:

You shouldn't drink because when you drink you are inviting demons to enter your body and take you over.

I'm shaking my head in amusement right now, and I'm sure some of you are just shocked. I hear this at least 40 times a day. There are so many more to tell you, but I'll leave it at that.

As for me, I'm headed out with my daddy to my uncles house for pulled pork sandwiches and beer. And yes, I'll be sure to raise one up to toast my Grandma. Bless her heart.

Love Remains the Same

So, its been *sigh* forever, which is really only like 10 days since my last blog. I just didn't have much to talk about between now and then. I still don't really, but that's not the point. The point is I feel like I've changed a bit. Not over the last 10 days, but most certainly in general over the last 6 months or so. Like even though I've been an adult for several years now, I'm actually acting like one. Working, paying attention to what I do and say, getting things done that need to be done...when they need to be done. I haven't been procrastinating as much lately...maybe that's why I feel so grown-up. Ha! That's kinda funny. I've started writing again. I'm loving it again. I got to the point where no one was responsive to my work, that I got so discouraged and started to hate writing and developing plots and characters. I wrote Chuck a short story about a week ago, and he really enjoyed it. Which means a lot to me. He isn't often very expressive with his feelings. With his opinions, sure! I can barely get him to shut up! But, feelings is different. He told me he felt what I wrote, that it touched him. That's huge. Some of you have been lucky enough to receive some of my writing, however juvenile it may have been. Its only gotten better. I wrote a short story when I was in the middle of my divorce. It had nothing to do with it, and it still brings tears to my eyes when I read it. I've been playing with writing a novel. Or more accurately, a novella. I'm not sure. I just know that I have something inside me that desperately needs to get out and I'm sure that once it does, and its refined...it may just make people smile, or laugh or cry or all of it. I haven't said it out loud yet, and writing it here still doesn't make it quite real. But, once I do spill my guts and I start working on it, you'll be the first to know. Well, third probably. I'll tell myself first, then Chuck...then you guys. Sorry, but I gotta keep the priorities straight! Other than that...let's see. I lost about 80% of my music, because I couldn't manually transfer my songs from my iPod to my new iTunes account. Thanks apple for being so ridiculously insane that I lost almost all of it. I literally had almost 3000 songs on my iPod, and as of 3 days ago I have 414. Annoying! Oh, and I got such a kick out of Kayne at the VMA's. Not because he interrupted Taylor Swift, because that's just mean and he's a jerky idiot. Because everything is referencing that. I was at the grocery store the other day, and somebody was saying something over the intercom and someone interrupted them! It was hilarious. And Brendan Gleason made a comment about it during his Emmy acceptance speech last night. So funny! And as it happens, I'm listening to Gold Digger right now. However, I love that song because its funny...and one of the few rap/hip hop songs that I know by heart. So bad, that I can remember being dragged to a primarily black bar/dance club and shaking my ass to that song and having drinks bought for me all night long! Good times. In other news, I just started reading the newest Dan Brown novel, The Lost Symbol. Chuck asked how I liked it so far. My response? "Eh, Dan Brown Robert Langdon book. Hard getting into, but I'm sure I'll finish by this weekend.". And that's pretty much the truth. The last book I read was Terry Goodkind's The Law of Nines. Amazing! That's all I can say. You don't' have to have read his previous series to understand it, but you should anyway! Not because there are subtle references to it and some ideas/characters, but because ti will literally change your life. That's all. So, anyway...its Monday. Chuck is on leave until the first. We haven't started on our Halloween costumes yet. Pictures to come...I'm not telling. And we have trivia tonight, 20th anniversary trivia no less. 20 weeks of trivia and all we have to show for it, is a bubble kit that the dog loves, 3 cans of pork and beans that will never get eaten, a package of smarties that will go to the trick or treaters, and a bartender that knows what we like. All in all, not too bad.

PS...I have no idea how many of you read this. I'm glad to have one subscriber...Brit, you're awesome! Thanks! =) Chuck was teasing though, so naturally I'm curious. Peace out kiddies!

Remember what the Monty Python boys say..."Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition"

Ok, so that's not a song quote, but I think its got the best quote from a terrific movie. Plus, I'm going to talk all about Spamalot the Musical. :) So, I'm a musical theater nerd. It was my main focus in high school, and I minored in it during college. But, I am not your typical musical theater nut. I've never seen Rent all the way through. I don't know the entire plot to a lot of classic musicals. And, I have a sense of humor. I can make fun of theater and I even have a "musical theater" voice. Ask me to demonstrate some time...its great. Spamalot combines three things I love very deeply: musical theater, Brittish comedy, and Spam. I love Spam more than bacon. And, I really love bacon! Spamalot is based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Not only did it turn a classic movie into a musical, Eric Idle, an original member of MP, took it upon himself to make fun of musical theater. Its about bloody time! Musical theater, besides being a breeding ground for obscene stories about quick changes and hook ups backstage, is a prime candidite for being poked fun at. Something that has needed to be done for at least 15 years. Musical theater is a wonderful form of performance, and was certainly fantastic when it first debuted. That being said, I personally am so happy that someone decided to call musical theater out and throw it under a bus! The three songs that really do this are, " The Song that goes like this", "You won't succeed on Broadway", and "Diva's Lament(Whatever Happened to my part?)". I can't fully convey the humor in these songs, but if you have seen it...you know and hopefully understand. If you haven't had the opportunity....get off your lazy butts and see it!

Let's see....friend Bridal shower tomorrow. Church and golf on Sunday. In a week or so, a homecoming party. Good times to end the summer.

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll go

Let me just say that Nickelback is a phenomenal band live in concert. Chuck and I went to see them Saturday night. I won tickets about a week ago and we were looking forward to it, but we weren't expecting a lot from it. We were absolutely pleasantly surprised! Chad Kroger, while being a "party boy" and swearing, seemed incredibly intelligent and was quite charming. He was funny, he obviously has a connection not only to his music, but to other artists that have influenced him. He was gracious with the crowd and his crew. Truly, one of the best concerts I've ever been to. When we were leaving, we happened across a guy that was selling tickets to the Def Leppard concert this Wednesday. I bought 2 tickets, 20 bucks. About the same seats that we just had. Chuck is a huge Def Leppard fan, and them playing with Poison is maybe a once in a lifetime experience. So, we're very excited about that! And we're going to Spamalot tonight! I don't have much to say today, I had a very long weekend, and I'm exhausted. I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow after Spamalot.

Oh, we got 3rd place at trivia last night! Yay for us!

Things, they are a changin'

Have you ever felt like you had all the space in the world, but you still couldn't breathe? I've been feeling that way a lot lately. I think that's a result of being out of work since March. Maybe it comes from not feeling equal to anyone else during these 5 months. I'm not sure. You all know that I'm not much of a crier. But, even I reach a point when I can't hold it inside any longer. Today has been that day. I should be really happy right now. And I am. I got a job offer yesterday! Yay for me! Its not the greatest or best paying job, but its a job...and one the I will enjoy doing. With people, that I can already tell will become great friends. But, it doesn't get rid of the sense dread that I feel. I feel like I have alienated people who are closest to me. That I have let my loner ways overcome me and not let me grow and become a good friend or girlfriend or family member. You know when you go through periods of life when EVERYTHING is going wrong? You so desperately want to change them and make them right, but you either can't see how to do it or you feel like you just aren't strong enough to succeed. Its like I'm incapable of making anything right at the moment. If I was an idiot, suicide would be a thought. And, no folks, I am not suicidal...I'm just making a point. I've known people that have described this exact feeling and they felt so trapped that they truly felt that was their only escape. I don't believe that, and I hope I never will. Its not even that I feel trapped, because I don't. I love the life that I have right now. The friends that I still have and the little family that I have created are the best things I have ever been a part of. I just wish I knew how to make it an oiled machine. How to take 50% emotion out of it and replace that with 50% logic. I wish that it was easier to speak these things than it is to write them. I wish I didn't feel like everything that's wrong is always my fault. I wish I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve. But I do. Its just who I am. I want to change it, because its awful. But, I haven't been able to do it so far, and I wonder if I ever will.

I know that that way of thinking frustrates some people; it frustrates me too! To second guess yourself is infuriating. It doesn't happen all the time, but its enough that it drives me crazy.

Second guessing is like living in limbo. I can't live that way. I hate conversational limbo, I even hate the Limbo game. when you bring limbo into your life, its inviting you to second guess every decision you've made up until this point. That point being when you put yourself in limbo. Conversational limbo is the worst. You have a "talk" with someone and for some reason you have to stop and come back to it...without some serious decisions or topics broached. You've just put yourself in limbo. Limbo is the reason that people get quiet with each other. Its because we're thinking of all the ways things could be different. When we think of these things, we should discuss them and get ourselves out of limbo. But, then you run into the regret factor. Sometimes, we all do it, we say something in anger or frustration that we immediately regret. I know I have. How do we go back from there? I had a friend when I was 16, she was 15...too young to understand her wisdom, that if you didn't really mean something, you would never say it. but we do it all the time, don't we? I'm not trying to excuse myself, but I know that sometimes I do it because I don't know how else to put my feelings into words.

Jeez, what is my point here? I'm not even sure right now. I'm sad and frustrated, so this is it for today. That's all.

Who Let the Dogs out?!

Well, my brakes are fixed. Thanks to Chuck and the amazing guys at Midas on Convoy. Anyways, yesterday afternoon Chuck had his Ultimate Frisbee finals. His team lost both games. They were missing some people and it was 100 degrees yesterday, so I can't blame them. The thing I'm most upset from yesterday is a dog and his owner that were also there. There is an older male dog named Max, who comes to frisbee up at UCSD. He's about 7 years old and he's obviously an alpha dog. He picks on Chase and tries to dominate him. In the grand scheme of things, Chuck and I would both prefer if Chase could fight his own battles and either prove that he's an alpha or get his butt kicked and understand that he's a bravo. The problem we had to face yesterday is that Max was bullying Chase. Trying to dominate and then growling when Chase tried to sniff him. Chase is by all accounts still a puppy, and wants to sniff and play; but to have a dog constantly bullying him is going to end up scaring him. Did I mention that Chase was staked down and only had 6' of slack? Did I mention that Max was off leash? Yeah, all the makings for an angry couple and a douche of a guy not knowing what he did wrong.



You might be wondering what it is that Max's owner did that was so wrong? Well, its a matter of perception. He casually called Max away. No authority in his voice whatsoever. This dog then continued to bully. His called out that he was friendly. That's when he snapped at Chase and made him whimper and recoil. In my opinion, a dog owner who doesn't apologize fore that kind of behavior, is a complete *&#hole. Here is a dog that is staked down and kind properly defend himself. He never came over and got his dog away. He never apologized. Nothing. Luckily, there were people out there that could see what the problem was and ushered this dog away. One of my biggest beefs in life is irresponsible dog owners. As most of you know, there are several things that bother me deeply, but this has always been in the top 5. Being responsible goes far above caring for your dog. I'm not going to go into it anymore, because its over and its not worth anymore time.

Besides, I golfed a great game today. My score ended up being 1 over on a 19 hole course. It was cooler today...not by much, but cooler. Chuck and I had Chipotle tonight. It was a good day. By the way, has anyone noticed a theme with each blog title? You get a prize if you do.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Well, its currently 6:27 AM. I've been awake since 2. Literally. I went to bed at 10:30 last night because I wanted to be able to get up early and take my car in to get the brakes fixed. I woke up around 1:30 am, checked the time, rolled and went back to sleep. 30 mins later, I was awake again. I was uncomfortable. Chuck was kind sprawled across the bed, so I can blame him a little. It wasn't very warm in there, because we had the fan on high. I had severe cotton-mouth, so I got up and got a drink. I went back to bed, and at 2:30 decided to just get up and move to the couch. I figured I'd be restless, and didn't want to disturb Chuck too much. He has his Frisbee finals today, and he's been tired lately. Anyway, whenever I can't sleep like this I usually watch infomercials until I feel sleepy and go to sleep on the couch. I watched 2 1/2 hours of infomercials. I now desperately want a GT Express 101. I'm pretty sure you can get them at Target...Christmas is 4 months away. ;) I then tried to go to sleep. I turned the TV off and curled up on the couch to no avail. Right now, my alarm is going off telling me to go to Midas. It can wait. Did you know that approx 1 in 8 or 11.76% or 32 million people in USA suffers from insomnia? (http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/i/insomnia/stats.htm). Insomnia isn't about not being able to go to sleep, but being able to stay asleep. Chuck teases me because he always gets up with Chase on the weekends, because I sleep so hard and I never hear him. I'm wondering if that's going to change. Looking at a list of causes for insomnia doesn't do me any good. I don't have any of these symptoms...at least not that I've had a problem before. I'm a little stressed. Anymore that usual? Not really. Its been extra hot here, as I stated in my last blog, but I've gotten used to it, and like I said...our room had cooled down quite a bit. So, what was the cause of my insomnia last night? I'm not sure. I even took 2 Tylenol Simply Sleep pills before I went to bed. While I was up this morning, I decided to look at what people had to say about this over the counter drug. Reviews? Eh, mixed at best. Most people say it only took one pill to knock them out for 6+ hours. Some say it didn't work in the slightest. I take them occasionally when my mind won't seem to shut itself down. They generally work for me. I try to take them at least an hour before I want to go to bed because that's how long it takes to kick in. I wonder if this is purely psychological or if I may suffer from a mild form of Insomnia. Maybe its hereditary, after all...my grandpa had it.



My maternal Grandfather fought in the Korean war. The battle of the Chosin Reservoir. He was one of "The Chosin Few". He never told me specifically about any of the details of his war experience, but what I did pick up along the way was he developed insomnia because he and his division, at least those that we left, could not risk falling asleep for fear of freezing to death. Thinking about it now, it makes sense to me that he hated the cold. He loved the hot and humid weather. He was a great man and taught me so much in my young life. I used to spend some summers when I was younger at my grandparents house while my parents were at work. My grandpa would always be awake at 6am when they dropped me off to let me in, have breakfast with me or put me back to sleep. I thought it was because I was special. I later learned it was because he was. RIP Gam-pa.



The point I'm working towards is that I wonder how much fear is involved with insomnia. Last night as I was trying to sleep on the couch, I was hit with a sudden wave of fear. Chase was up with me. He'd been whining in his crate, so Chuck got him out and I said he could stay with me. Big mistake. At about 4:30 we heard a thud in the front yard/porch area. I thought that it was probably a cat if anything. Chase flipped out. He barked at the window and stared int he direction of the porch for a good 10 mins. Had he not been there, I wonder if I would have fallen asleep. But, from that point on every small sound was an intruder, or a murderer, or someone looking to do me and family wrong. Chase was agitated and couldn't be settled, which led me to think that I shouldn't be either. Fear took over at that point...causing my rare insomnia to become full blown. I wish I could find more information on fear based insomnia. See stats and polling results. I may be on to something here.

By the way, the huge gap in time from me starting this blog and posting it, is the time it took to get Chuck up and take my car to Midas. They should be calling soon with a quote and we will get doughnuts. I might even try to take a nap.

Talking 'bout a Heat Wave

You know what's so great about living in San Diego? The perfect temperature all year long. Bull! Its currently 91 degrees in the house right now. I have the big fan pointed directly at me. and its not really helping. But, I'm glad to know that its pushing the hot air around. Chase keeps going in and out laying on the cement in the shade until he gets too hot, then comes back inside curl up on th tile. I might join him later. Whenever it gets hot like this in late August, I always think about school. I remember taking the bus so early in the morning and freezing my butt off, and then sweating to death in the afternoon. It makes me wonder about kids going back to school. We have a elementary school a few blocks from us, and every once in a while a school bus drives down our street. Remember how excited and nervous and pissed you were that school was starting back up? I remember thinking about seeing my friends that I didn't hang out with during the summer. Wondering what order my classes would be in. I went to a performing arts high school. We had such an opportunity to study art, music, dance, and theater in a complete way. I so enjoyed my time there and the things I learned, that I'm curious whether or not other children will have the opportunity to learn like I and my school mates did.

Arts program funding has dwindle over the last 10 years, but we've only heard about it for about 5 years. I encourage you to look into ways that you can support arts programs in your area. Its amazing the difference that one person, determined to change things, can make.

Mama's Got a Brand New Blog

You know, I always thought of blogging as something for the intellecutally sound. And then I remembered that I got a perfect score on my SAT's. I got a 35 on my ACT, and I've been tested at genius levels. Now, does that me smart? On paper it does. But, I feel that my real smarts come from the everyday life I live. The experiences I've had and the people I know. C'mon people, I get confused watching Bill O'Reily, and he just yells at people! (Love you Mr. O!!) I may not be popular. I make not be rich. I may be a 'nobody', but I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I am a 'Mother' to a great black labrador named Chase. I have friends and family that I can count on and they know that I'm there for them as well. I play frisbee golf on Sundays, and I'm getting good! If it sounds like I'm nothing special, then you don't know me at all. BUt, if I sound like you or even someone you know, then this is the blog for you.


Tonight Chuck and I had his realator Kathy over for dinner tonight. She's a great woman! She's was paitent for a year and helped Chuck find his home. Unfortuneately, we only got see her for about an hour before we had to leave for Chuck's Ultimate Frisbee quarter-finals...which his team won! Yay for boyfriends! Anyway, we so rarely have people over, so Chase spazzes out everytime someone comes to visit. I take him for walks everyday. He meets people on those walks. He comes to frisbee with us on Sundays. He's used to those people though. I don't know what to do about him. Same thing with him tearing up all his toys. Every toy he gets, ends up shredded or in peices in a matter of minutes. He's almost a year and he's 92 lbs. Chase is almost too much to handle. And, yes, I realize that there are those of you that have children, and a husband and pets of your own. But, Chase is our baby. When you have problems with your kids, you complain and ask for advice. But then I get the people that look down on me because I think of Chase as my child and I have issues with him. UGH! Anyway, I found out that I am not smart enough to set up a Facebook business page. By the way, for those of you that don't know what Facebook is...well, you probably don't keep up with current events or use the internet, so you aren't reading this anyway. So, I was trying to set up a page for my cakes. I make specialty cakes and cupcakes. With all of my smarts, I could NOT for the life of me figure it out! Its so frustrating. But, I'll keep working on it. I'm on the lookout for a domain that I can set up a page for myself. But as it is, its 1:00 AM. I'm tired. It was 89 degrees in the house today. Did I mention that we don't have AC?