When you smile at me you know exactly what you do

So, as the deadline approaches for me to leave San Diego I can't help but feel like I'm supposed to be here.

Friends and loved ones are constantly telling me to do what makes me happy. Whereas before people were telling me to leave/come home.

I'm so confused and conflicted.

I have a few interviews this week, and if one of them works out and I get a job, that'll be great.

I still won't have a place to stay after July 5Th. That sucks. But easily figured out.

I'm reconnecting with old friends and enjoying every minute of it. I'm getting back into Job's Daughters and really enjoying that.

I'm spending time getting to know Will. A whole weekend getting to know him. Spending time with him not doing anything except talking and laughing and actually learning a lot about myself in the process.

I like him...even if he does remind me of Jafar from Aladdin.

I think he likes me. My friend Johnna says he does.

We spent the weekend lounging and watching movies. Talking and laughing. Being complete dorks with each other enjoying the silence. (Most of the time)

I don't want to stay and burden my friends.

I don't want to stay for the wrong reasons, like a guy that I barely know and have little time to get to know.

But I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE wondering "What if?".

What if I leave and I wind up unhappy in Missouri again?

What if I leave and I get offered a great job here in SD?

What if....anything with Will?

There's a reason that's my last question.

I won't make this decision for anyone else or because of anyone else.

I want to stay here. I'm doing everything that I can in order to make sure that I do.

I'm turning 26 in about 2 weeks...what do I have to show for it?

I'm not sure how to answer that, but I do know that my little stuffed D_O_G and I are going to sleep and hopefully answers and solutions will come tomorrow.