Oh, why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind...

I didn't take me Prozac today...I feel like crap.

Yesterday was an interesting day. I went to Balboa park with a couple of friends. Seems pretty normal right? Heh...wrong.

The plan was to go with my friend Brad. Brad and I have known each other for about 4/5 years. You could say that we dated somewhere in that time. We have remained friends and still hang out quite a bit.

Yesterday, he came to pick me up and Erik was walking out to go to the DMV. Instead of Brad and I going our merry way, he decides we need to convince Erik to come with us...after going to the DMV of course.

Erik, to my utter astonishment, agreed. This should have been the point where I just backed away slowly and not gone anywhere with both of them.

But, me the smartest person ever born, went along with it. Does anybody know how awkward it is to be hanging out with 2 people you've slept with? EXTREMELY!

Because Erik is a giant, he sat in the front of Brad's tiny Civic and Brad actually let me drive. I was excited because it was a stick and I haven't driven one in SO long.

The boys are acting like boys and are picking on me the entire time I'm driving us down to the park.

Once we get there, Erik gives me a hug to make up for teasing me. Brad notices.

How do I know that, you might ask? Brad kept a tally.

He is a psych major and reads people like a freaking book! It drives me batty sometimes, but I love it about him!

So, over the course of the day Brad counted numerous hugs, one case of hand holding, and a bunch of times where Erik would apparently not let me out of his sight.

I guess that wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that we are now supposed to be 'just friends'.

So, we have a great day. Brad drives us back up to Esco, I passed out in the back seat. We get to the apartment and Erik invites Brad inside. Again, no big deal.

Erik goes to check the mail and Brad is on the patio for a smoke. I'm standing outside with him and he says to me, "You guys are totally dating."

I haven't told Brad anything about what's been going on with between Erik and me. I just didn't want to discuss it with him.

When Brad was leaving he hugged me...like we ALWAYS do and He and I both saw Erik's jaw clench. It was almost funny.

I decided to go to the store and I also had to pick up a croc-pot from Erik's mom. I was getting ready to leave and Erik pulled me down on the couch and kissed me. Like, really kissed me.

I didn't know what to do...I just kissed him back.

I left and saw I had a missed call from Brad. I called him back and he proceeded to explain to me how it was that I was dating Erik and we didn't realize it.

I'd like to think that a lot of it is just our friendship and consideration for each other.

Apparently, it's deeper than that. As Brad described it...we make concessions for each other. Erik doesn't like cucumbers or tomatoes in his salad, so I ate them off his plate for him. We got stuck in an elevator and I have a problem with small spaces, so he put his arm around me and kept me distracted.

Plus a bunch of other tiny things.

Now, Brad is not jealous. One, he just isn't that guy; and tow, we aren't like that anymore.

After I got done talking to him and running my errands...Erik was all over me the whole night.

I. DO. NOT. GET. IT.

I think we are so comfortable with each other (even with all the "awkwardness" and the other crap) that we just naturally act like that with each other.

Last night, and don't ask me why, I sent Erik a text that said "Give us a chance." Not a question or even a request...you could call it a demand.

Did he text back? Nope. Did he bring it up? Double Nope.

I guess that should tell me something.

As of right now, he is with his butt of a brother. I can barely stand that guy. And if I know Erik, and I do, He is probably complaining about me and telling his brother how I read the text messages in his phone last week.

I don't care. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep soon.