That's it, I quit, I'm moving on

This may seem extreme, ridiculous and unnecessary...but that fact is that I'm not making this decision lightly.

In my lifetime, I've been lucky enough to experience some things that some people never get to do. I have been able to travel and get some fantastic education. Meet incredible people and have some amazing times.

I've loved some amazing people and been loved by a few that were just as awesome.

There have been some hard blows dealt to me...I've had health problems aplenty. From my heart to my lady insides; the amount of procedures I've had rival a lot of athletes.

Dealing now with the realization that my body has stopped producing eggs and my chances of being a mother are now non-existent.

Those are all things that I can deal with.

What I can't deal with the idea of the unknown. Of not having control over the last moments of my life.

Never, ever would I have thought that I would be saying this...but deciding to end my own life...in a manner that I choose...at a time that I choose has never seemed more appealing.

It is one of the most selfish things that a person can do; not thinking about the impact that it will have on the people left behind. the stigma that family members feel when others realize that their loved one killed themselves.

Not to mention the mess.

Not just the physical, because if we know anything about suicide its that women usually slits their wrists; but also, if we have learned anything from CSI...we know what our bodies do when we finally stop breathing and our hearts stop beating.

It's also the mess of what comes next.

What about all the loose ends?

I'll make sure that their aren't any.

I have a plan for everything. As many of you have heard me say: "A place for everything and everything in it's place".

This is not a cry for help or attention. I get enough of the latter.

This is...what it is.