Being here in Missouri, I've had plenty of time to think about things. Mostly because there isn't much else to do here.
Sadly, the one thing that I've been suppressing for a long time and decided to come to the surface is the fact that my biological clock is ticking and its just getting louder.
But being here isn't going to make that dream become reality.
I want to be able to work and stay here long enough to bank enough to be in a position to move back to Cali and survive there.
The guy that I care about the most ever is still there, and while there is no way that he and I are talking about this....well, let's just say that I have thought about it.
It doesn't help when I speak to my grandmother and she tells me that he greatest hope is that I'll meet a nice man here and get married and start a family. Here in Missouri. Where I don't want to be, but according to her, I 'will get used to it and adjust...' and then I 'won't be upset that this is my home.'
Points well made... I do need to acclimate and make the best of this situation. I'm ready to do that.
But I don't think that I need to find a man here to make me happy and help me adjust. Regardless of the fact that Will and I are together, it just isn't necessary.
Just like when my Uncle Paul says that domestic chores are really meant for women to do. (I'm not dissing him...but that is just an unnecessary comment.)
Just because that's what you believe doesn't make it right.
My grandmother thinks that all I need to do is find a man; fall in love...make him (she used the word "make"), get married and start a family. Then I'll be happy and content here.
Pfffftttt.
Now, I don't disagree with this only because my grandmother said it or because its archaic; no I disagree with it because I've always believed that you are the only person that can make you happy. And falling in love and having that person love you back is a bonus. And it adds to the happiness you already have in your life.
Now, in regards to what I said in the beginning of this blog...this is not the time to focus on that.
Right now is the time for me to focus and buckle down...to step up and be 26 and take charge of my life. I've said that before, and I'm still determined to do just that.
That's a huge plus for me.
And luckily, I have family that loves and supports me. Uncle Paul and Aunt Carolyn are so cool because they understand that even though I don't want to be here, they believe in me enough to know that I will save myself.
And even if I am comfortable enough to leave in a year...that's the way it is. As much as Aunt Carolyn would love me to be in Missouri forever...she knows and supports me desire to return to Cali.
I can't ask for much more than that.
As for now....still applying everywhere and staying optimistic.
And missing San Diego a lot...oh yeah, and Will.
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